I can only imagine what it must feel like to be kicked by a bull. After the last twelve hours, I really
feel like I now know. Suddenly, my reasonably good day took a drastic turn downward. I became
very drowsy and sleepy. My focus, attention and alertness disappeared.
During the past three years, I have been sleeping in a recliner. The doctor told me this would be
good due to my blood pressure rising when I lay down. It became comfortable and peaceful to me
sleeping in the recliner. I even felt safer and more secure than sleeping in the bed.
After mid-night, I woke up out of a deep sleep. There were no dreams that I remember. There
were no hallucinations that I am aware of. I simply woke up to go to the bathroom.
I was startled. Where am I? I was confused, and wobbling. I felt hopeless wondering what is next.
Where do I go? What do I do? When will it end? How will it end? What do I do? I continued my
walk to the bathroom. As I reached the hall leading to the bathroom, I bumped into the left and
then the right. Thank goodness I made it safely without falling.
My wife realized that I had awaken. Quickly, she came to my rescue. My tears started to dribble
down my cheeks. I began to pant. My heart raced. I did not know what to do. In her calm and
gentle way, she was able to calm my spirit. I was able to settle down.
I cried out to God. God, I do not like what is happening. In fact, God I hate this disease. I ask
God for calmness, peace, joy, acceptance, gratitude and so much more. God answered my prayer.
I came out of it fully lucid. There were no attention, alertness or focus issues present. My mind
was clear. I experienced a mental state that was extremely pleasurable. This was a mental state that
I had not experienced recently.
The wide fluctuations that may occur in LBD become overwhelming at times. These events serve
as a vivid reminder that I cannot predict the future of this disease. I do not need to predict the
future. I do not need to read the final chapter. I will continue to ask many questions. When will it
occur again? Where will I be? How long will it last? The events of these twelve hours are a vivid
reminder that my dementia is of the Lewy body type.
I began to reflect on how blessed I am. I thought about the people who are less fortunate than I. I
cannot focus on myself. If I do, this disease will destroy me. I must stay focused on my purpose in
life of advocating for dementia awareness. I must stay focused on helping others through their
struggles and battles. As I do for others, I know that I will do better.