I used that title just to get your attention. Its sad to say that is usually effective in our gossip driven society.
Today’s post will continue to use feedback received from those surveyed and from my own life as well.
Here are two things that a wife (mine) does not want to hear.
“After fourteen years I have been let go from work.”
“It has been professionally amd medically suggested to me that I see a phychiatrist, what do you think?”
Neither of those gave my wife what, she said, when polled that she needed most, security. I polled her in the car this past Saturday. For Doty and possibly for most women it comes down to security.
And the fourteen months I spent without a job and in the middle of that seeing a phychiatrist for a year as well did not give her that stable environment she was needing. We were shaken to our core and the stability of our marriage was tested. I remember one specific afternoon where I thought for sure, in a short matter of time, our marriage and our God fearing family would be no more. And you don’t hear the scary stories from many marriage seminar teachers because it scares people. Well marriage is a scary endeavor.
In fact, last night I received an email from a single twenty something female who reads the blog and after last nights opening quotes she wrote this, “liking the marriage blogs, interesting, encouraging, challenging and scary all in one.”
That is a perfect description of a marriage… challenging and scary all in one.
I will give out more details on my own marriage over the next couple of days. Oh but one more thing, and I may get in trouble for this one, but, before we were married, not after, but before, I gave my girlfriend, now my wife, some reasons to doubt me. Nothing monumental but it gave us some trust issues to work out. And guess what? Those doubts in a brides mind do not necessarily go away on a specific day when you say I do. Trust is earned and I had to earn some back. (Just being transparent to the singles who might read this that this can happen before the wedding and the effects will last after the honeymoon.
Here is some other input.
“27 years, communication was the biggest challenge, unwillingness to seek counsel, I believe other problems stemmed from that. Seek counsel when big problems arise.”
Here’s another one.
“Married 25 years. Challenges include: agreeing on discipline of children, learning to manage your finances and not try to live above your means, and not being selfish, but always considering your spouses feelings above your own. Advice? Its not 50/50 in marriage, it’s 100/100. Marry your best friend.”
More good advice.
Those were two femaies. Let’s see what a male says and especially when they admit to falling short.
I found this input to be very insightful.
“I could give lots of advice! One thing, tell your spouse how much you love and appreciate them everyday! Even when you are having a bad day. I dropped the ball in several areas of my relationship, but the most important thing that I missed is just being selfish. If I can give any advice it would be to appreciate everything that your spouse does! Especially the little things and not take each other for granted.”
More good advice and more feedback to come on Tuesday.
To end this entry, this passage is so hard hitting and leaves nothing to interpretation.
“Can a man take fire in his bosom, and his clothes not be burned? Or can a man walk on hot coals, and his feet not be scorched? So is the one who goes in to his neighbor’s wife; whoever touches her will not go unpunished.” Proverbs 6:27-29
Another example from the Bible as to things that are close to our lives but we are not to touch. It leaves no room for interpretation.
As someone said to me recently, “men are so easy to predict. They only want one thing.”
However, I say, there are exceptions.